Tele--Vision

In that somnambulistic state before sleep came to me last night I found myself thinking back to my very first impressions of Tele--Vision. It occured to me that TV has never been an idle pastime even in the early days when I had fooled myself into thinking so. There was something deeper – a deeper thread that links one to the other that we cannot quite explain. Not so much subliminal message as an empathic connection that ties you to what is going on or airing in that cuboid box. It is like a glimpse into another reality, which I guess it is – no matter how much fantasy we think resides there – the fact is that there is no singular reality. The vision that one connects with the tele is one that reaches deep within to stir hearts and minds. The redundant viewer sadly will never get to appreciate that. People find their self-realisation in various ways but not enough find that truth that resides in laying bare all you are to tele-vision. Tears will be spilt, lives will be shaken and it will be living, believe me. Only as far as we seek can we go, only as far as we dream can we be.

Memoirs of the Deep

The Fire Inside

Why is it sometimes we are so weak?
A puppet to the strings whose control we seek.
The fire burns inside, sin so simple but all around,
The solution not earthly or easily found.
The path so righteous is blurring before me,
The Lord only can sustain me.
Forgive us Lord, forgive us all,
For the sins into which we so continually fall.
Let us douse the fire once and for all,
Knowing how many lives we constantly maul.
Let us count our blessings ever believing,
That faith will guide us through, our burden relieving.
Even the toughest path can in an instant be so clear,
That regressive torment cannot hold me or come near.
Let us seek with might but ever leaving,
The rest in hands so wide always receiving.
In wondrous ways, the future unfolds,
Not fire, but warmth it holds.
Ever speaking, making one glad,
Of the grace of the creator, we all have had.
Thank you Father, for what we are and where,
To what we'll be, mould us and take us there.

Reflections of a Strange Flat

Part III Miles Away

A million miles from home,
My legs struggle to roam,
The sun beats down on me,
As far as the eye can see,
Strange voices in a crazy land,
Born out of nothing but pure sand,
To live as one does, dreaming of old stories,
That are kept alive by your own memories,
Far from home am I, so it seems,
Impossible to leave except in my dreams,
Trapped in my own mind,
Fiddler on a roof of a certain kind,
Visions of people and places do I feel,
Nothing ever felt so far, yet so real.
Father, father your help I need,
To ease the pain of distance on which I feed,
Send me an angel or a mirage of truth,
Fill my heart and my sorrows soothe,
Let me forget the miles and see from afar,
The life before me, a new door is ajar.

Reflections of an Empty Flat

Part - II The Silence

Oh! When I see the bareness before me.
How I pray for the hint of company.
The silence is most still even it is the loudest day outside.
The loudest silence I have ever felt.
The emptiness is deathly and it closes in.
Oh! To hate to be in the silence of the empty flat.
But to know that we all live by choices in life.
Oh! How weak is our faith in God.
He can speak to you through a pamphlet dropped at the door.
That brings more joy than you ever thought possible.
Suddenly you are attuned to every little sound.
Almost as if waiting for the silence to be broken.
But praying that the sounds that come are not from creatures hidden.
So you take it upon yourself to put some music in your life.
But suddenly, even though you have heard the words before.
And certainly know some of the songs by heart.
The lyrics have a whole new meaning.
As if you are truly feeling them for the very first time.
You scream out the words at the top of your voice.
As if you are the end to the silence.
Which, in a way, I guess I am.
I find myself talking to me more.
As if the entities could separate, and be the companionship that you crave.
Oh Lord! Sweet God of mercy.
Make this silence grow on me.

Reflections of an empty flat

Part - I Alone

No matter how much you think it.
No matter how much you know you feel it.
You never really fully understand it.
The different levels of loneliness.
I thought I knew it.
I thought I was prepared.
I thought I knew what 'alone' meant.
But when it comes to flying solo, there isn't a manual.
Life throws it up at you.
You pray you know how to handle it.
You feel both peace and pain.
Along the road that is the path of gain.
You can be alone in a crowd.
You can be alone in your thoughts.
Alone in your pain,
alone inside your heart,
alone in your beliefs,
alone in your dreams,
alone in your fears,
But you are never really alone when you have faith in God.
Look for the light in the darkness.
Pray for loneliness to teach you life's lessons,
that only solitude can.
Oh! loneliness, I pray that I can used to you.
Oh! hollowness, I say goodbye to you.
Oh Lord, cleanse my soul.
And give me the peace that the world cannot.
And cannot ever take away.

THE FIVE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE - Nelly and Shruthi's wedding

Thank you most of all to Nelson and Shruthi for giving me the five most wonderful days of my life. With memories I'll never let go of and a closeness that is impossible to express, Shruthi and Nelly made the celebration of their marriage a time when I felt truly grateful that I had the amazing privilege of calling them friends and family.

I guess these days were really all about family. Like how Nelly and Shruthi always made you feel like a brother or a sister. How Saikat's emotional speech tugged at your heartstrings. How Sharon made you smile and laugh. How Sanjaya made you raise an eyebrow. How ACJ 2004 really is a big family. I think Nelly said it best: "You know guys, what was special about ACJ was that every one of those 90 odd people was unique and they all brought something special to us."

The last five days may have gone by in a flash but there was something to cherish in every moment. Looking back, one can only get teary eyed reminiscing after barely a day has passed. It was simply surreal seeing all of you again and we missed a lot those who couldn't make it. Seeing Nelson and Shruthi together, seeing them happier than you would ever imagine possible for two people to be, reinforces your faith in how beautiful life can be.

I love you both. I feel really lucky to have been able to be a part of this very special time in your lives.

Vineeth

HARRY POTTER MANIAAAA!!!!!!!

Oh God, the anticipation....... After months and years of waiting. It's finally here. I can't believe it. Its finally going to happen. its gonna happen tonight. I first heard she was releasing quite a few months back. On the first day that orders opened online, i gave mine in.

Five months later, the date is here. She is gonna open up her pages and let the world in on the secrets of the future of the boy wizard. Mann, its been a tempestous week - ive reread the harry potter books in anticipation of the sixth. Oh, the sweet agony of expectation.

Too bad bookstores in India are not opening at midnight or have elaborate launch parties with harry potter themes and huge investments. Trust me, I'll be there 6.30 in the morning (special opening time only for July 16) at least to get a glimpse of one that i believe is one of the greatest works of fiction.

When there seemed to be no niches left to carve in literature, what did Joanne Kathleen Rowling Murray do - she carved one. It is the culmination of how miraculous life can be - God provides a path paved with obstacles but perseverence and fortitude will see you through.

I can't wait to travel through that world one more time because the underlying theme is one of humanity, of learning something everyday and praying for a better future.

Joine me in celebrating the phenomenon that is known as HARRY POTTER!!!!!

Isn't it IRONIC !!!

Its nice to get back to blogging after a very long time. Guess you could say life kinda pushed me back here... gave me something to write about.

I always thought of myself as this guy who couldnt wait to start working, that was of course after i finally decided i knew what it was that i wanted to do. I held myself to only one rule - do something that you love, that you can enjoy doing as long as you do it.

I didnt really think it was a tall order. So that was the plan. Decide what to do... get a job... work till you drop. So now that i was sure of these aspects, one thing i thought i was sure about was that when i do get the job, im gonna stick on for a long time.

And believe me, for the longest time i truly believed that. Even when ACJ came to a close, i was still under this impression. But you know, life doesnt turn out the way you think it will. So there i was - the guy who thought he was gonna hold on to a job for dear life - taking the stride into the job market...

Isn't it ironic.... 11 months on.... The person who thought he was a keeper turned out - he was looking for something he couldnt quite find. The jobs were varied - they may not have seemed that way but believe me they were. Some jobs had - bad memories, horrible bosses, triumphant days, joys of a job well done, celebrating a million new beginnings, exclamations from those who heard about it, "No, don't tell me, No." Fingers counting off the jobs and the days.

Isn't it ironic - what he thought 11 months ago did not come to pass - and guess what, he has no regrets, none at all. its been a great year. He just thanks God for the wonderful opportunities to experience so many different places and people. How many people can say they felt what it was to work in so many varied situations? I learnt something from every one of them.

Now on to stability... still looking for something to hang on to. atleast until the west wind comes calling yet again. But one of these days, i just may not answer her call at all. Then i guess at that point, i would have come full circle.... isn't it IRONIC.

You all know the song....

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought "Well, isn't this nice."
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic.. and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

The world smiles at you

Have you ever felt the immense joy from just gazing, understanding, watching a person smile. It is definitely a joy like no other.
The other day on my way to work i stopped at a traffic light alongside a school bus. As i was waiting for the light to change, i looked up at the windows of the bus. There were these two little girls who had their pencil boxes open and were showing each other the contents.
My mind just rewound to years back about how easy it was for us to be happy about some many things in our lives. I imagined their conversation as i watched their faces break into smiles. "That one is so nice, naa. 5 rupees only. Come, we'll share this 'pen-pencil' today." They laughed so happily i felt myself break into a smile thinking: "enjoy every bit of your time, dears. there's nothing else in life quite like it."
Another night I was driving home and I was at another traffic intersection and the signal was not on. I stopped and noticed a scooter coming from the right with two women sitting on it. They slowed down too obviously thinking I was going ahead. I nodded that they should proceed. However, the women driving gestured for me to go. This went on for a bit. When i finally inched forward, so did they. Surprised at each other's actions, she broke into the most wonderful smile which I reciprocated at the same time. She did go ahead, the smile never leaving her face. Something about it was so incredibly sweet.
Later that week, at church there was a baptism of a really cute little baby girl. The girl started making the loudest noises she could. From loud gurgles to earnest proclamations, you couldnt help but smile when a baby makes noises as beautiful as that. I looked to my right and i found I wasn't the only one. This woman had her eyebrows arched, listening intently and smiling once, twice, thrice one after another. She was loving just listening to the sounds of the baby.
Today, as I write this at the internet centre, I'm thinking back trying to recall whats making me write all this. I look beyond the computer and I see this teenage girl sitting typing at another computer and as she hits a few keys keeps on smiling and breaks into laughter a few times. Just chatting (obviously) but finding so much joy in it. Then it hits me. IT is a unique feeling just gazing at people smile. Its wonderful and I realised it is enough to overcome you and make forget about everything else. There really is so much beauty in the world.

Back to the beginning - the return to ACJ story

We entered from the road from the opposite direction - I'm so used to entering from the other side
A trip back to where it all began...
I feel this tingling in my gut - I have definitely felt it before
Noo, it couldn't be, could it? What else could be the reason? it has to be...
Flashes of memory - of moments long ago - of feelings felt and never forgotten
The first time - the entrance exam - i felt the tingle - it was much more
The first day- it was there but different
The return - the tingle is back as Nelly screeches up the entrance
I park where i always do - but something feels different this time
We walk back into our past - a picture of something special
a look at Yolanda's surprise - like something she least expected
a few glances around...
A girl hurries past - short hair, glasses, a purposeful walk -- I'm guessing a broadcast student - story due on Monday.

A trip up the stairs - scenes of long ago - more memories of the past
When we looked at seniors with unfamilar faces in the known crowd
Now we were the unknown faces...at least with one exception... "SAIKAT" a voice travels
"You must be Saikat Niyogi" , "yes thats right" a tone trying to sound surprised
A walk up the stairs past a sweet face buried in a book - this batch's Chinmayi perhaps

We pass our lockers and stop and tug at some handles to remember the times like they used to be
We stand or kneel at our lockers and look at each other - "Man, those were the days"
Meet the lab guy - to whom i ask, "does the server still keep crashing?" to which he nods saying,"it happens." Some things never change.
Enter the library - the cemetery more likely- the silence is deathly- you can hear a pindrop.
You'd think it was empty- but they were as many people as on some days when we had quizes.
A guy on the leftmost desk had six books piled one on top of the other.
A few upward glances and they return to their work.

A stroll to peruse past accomplishments - the word
The glances as we walk by become more knowing - is it who they think it is?
The approach - Three quick steps followed by two slower ones - the girl reaches the shelf
"Are you Saikat Niyogi?" "Yes, and you are...
An extravagant hand movement followed by a step closer and a lean ... words whispered that were hardly audible
too late, two males had arrived realsing who it was that was here.
a conversation ensues mainly about woes of ACJ and questions whether it gets better
The decibel level goes slightly higher
Enter long hair, smile, Live life to the fullest attitude - "Are you guys having the key issues meeting here?"
"Oh, sorry" on seeing an unfamiliar face.
She walks straight past, reaches for the nearest book and listens.
The sound level increases a little more... A loud SHHHHHH..... from the nearest table
Ooooooh, thats cold! She looks like someone we know and sounds like someone else we know.
The ACJ batch of 2004 seems to have a lot of clones in the current batch to whom they have passed many of their qualities.

The labs are pretty much the same ...the messages are in early this year
"DOnt you dare sit here", "i'll be right back" "This is my comp" - For God's sake, even the names of the people are the same. Ah there's a new name - even that sounds like a name we know.
Another clone starts on her work - her voice and her mannerisms are uncannily familiar.

A trip to the terrace to catch up with one from the present batch
Oh there is something new - the railings - for safety - guess now there's no risk of anyone falling off now
We walk to the table in the centre of the terrace
We pause - look at it and at each other - we're thinking the same thing and are speechless until Nelly puts it in words...
"You can see them, can't you? She'll be sitting here next to this person and talkin to that person drinking coffee." We see them there and reminisce about priceless memories...
"Mann, we miss ACJ so much."